Do You Ever Forget You Suffer From a Mental Illness?

So, this probably isn’t the question you expected me to ask, but it’s one that I asked myself recently. After weeks of low motivation, irritability, and difficulty finding happiness in the things that used to keep me moving forward, it occurred to me that… I’M DEPRESSED. It’s something that I’m clearly aware of, but sometimes I just forget, and I end up giving myself a hard time for struggling to be happy and finding my motivation. In this episode, I’m going to talk about that “sudden realization,” if you can call it that, and how hopefully that’ll make it easier for me to work through this depressive episode.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

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Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

When Did My Depression Start?

I know that it was in eighth grade that my depression really started. Before that, I was a happy-go-lucky kid who thought he was happy and great all the time. I still remember being that kid who, any time he could, he would run around hoping that one day he’d “lose enough weight to fly.” That kid still exists, and I’m constantly searching for more and more of the missing pieces of him that have buried themselves deep within me, but he’ll never come back completely. In this episode, I’ll tell you what specific event made me realize he was gone.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

Escaping From Reality: The Pros and Cons

When something negative affects your life, there is no straightforward way to cope with it. No matter how you cope with the situation, it’s difficult because the situation itself is difficult, too. What I’ve learned about myself over the recent weeks is that I have a tendency to escape from reality when something unfortunate happens in my life. I do it through a variety of ways, such as YouTube, TV, video games, and endless social media usage, but that leaves an unanswered question: does escaping from reality help cope with a difficult situation?

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

The Many Faces of Sadness

I have recently been affected by something very close to me, and as I cope with the challenge of it, I’ve witnessed the many different ways that those around me have responded to the news. This episode is about the responses that those close to me, including myself, have had. From food and compassion, to stoicism and crying, sadness takes many faces, and each has its own feeling, story, and love behind it.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

Getting in Touch With Your Emotions

Getting in touch with your emotions is hard work. Do you want to know how I know that? Well, this is the 109th episode of this podcast and I still suck at it. I may be beginning to understand why I do some of the things that I do, but that doesn’t mean I can always practice what I preach at the level that I wish I could. Saying how you feel is one of the most difficult things you can do. It takes empathy, vulnerability, honesty with yourself and those that you’re being honest to, and it takes swallowing your pride. Worse yet, is sometimes it takes admitting you were wrong, and that always sucks. In this episode, I talk about the constant battle that I fight with myself to be honest and sincere with those around me.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

How Does Insecurity Affect Relationships?

I’ll never claim to be a perfect person. It’s just not possible to be perfect, and I don’t strive for it. What I can say is that over the course of my life, I’ve become a significantly happier and confident depressed person with a lot more hope for the future, but that hasn’t always been the case. I’m currently engaged to the love of my life, but I’ve had a few failed relationships before I got here, and in this episode, I swallow my pride and dive into how I contributed to their downfall because of my mental illness.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

Is There a Single Definition for Depression?

For me, depression is that creeping feeling that makes me want to give up all hope. It tells me that I’m terrible, that I’m bad at everything, and that nobody will ever truly love me because I am imperfect and unpleasant. It even tells me that I’d be better off dead than seeing tomorrow. Depression makes me feel unwanted, but it also feels unique – almost like I’m the only person in the world who suffers from it. I know I’m not, but the question I have is: is my depression unique to me, or is it the same depression that everyone else feels?

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

The Holiday/COVID-19 Conundrum

I could tell you what everyone else in the world is telling you about the holidays. I could say that going to see your family is terrible because we are in the midst of a pandemic, and that it’s irresponsible to put you and your family in danger. I could also say that you should go see your family because you only live once and seeing them is more important than following the precautions assigned to you because of a pandemic. There are many things that I could tell you, but what I’m going to settle for is telling you how these decisions can affect your mental health, because I know they’ve affected mine.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

When Does Routine Become a Problem?

I’ve talked about routine before, and I always talk about how great it is. Having some sense of what you’re going to do can be really good for mental health, whether it’s from having a good sleep schedule, working out, or taking time out of your week to think about you. I promise that I’ll talk about routine in the future, too! But you know what screwed up routine and all it stood for? COVID-19. I know, I’m just as surprised as you that COVID ruined something else. Now, staying home when possible, wearing your mask, and using social distancing is incredibly important for both you and everyone else’s physical health, but when does the routine of “staying home” become a problem? That’s what I’m here to talk about this week. Thanks for listening.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

This Episode is About Nothing

Okay, so it’s not so much about “nothing” per se, but it’s about feeling relaxed, not stressed, and for a brief moment, like I wasn’t depressed. I had the pleasure of finishing two of my masters classes today (the day before this was released,) and although I start another tomorrow, for a short 7 or so hours, I didn’t have any responsibilities. Sure, I had to do a few things like get dinner, walk Halsey, and play with Leia, I didn’t have any overarching things to do for once. I felt completely and totally uninhibited and I could do what I wanted without feeling guilty. I took that time to play Mario Party with me beautiful fiancée, spend time with my pets, and reflect on why this feeling of “nothing” happened, and how I can replicate it moving forward.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

Reaching Out for Help

For all the time I talk on this podcast about the revelations that I’ve had about myself, I’m still no expert on me. Sometimes I need to reach out to other people for help. This episode is about the people I’ve reached out to, when and why I did, and what came of it. Along with that, I talk about the times that other people have reached out to me, and what that made me realize about people as a whole. Thanks for listening and I hope you enjoy the episode!

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

Organizing Your Priorities

Hey – you there! Thanks for joining me for another episode of the podcast. This week, I talk about figuring out priorities. What inspired me to talk about it is the fact that I (along with everyone else in the world) have a lot of stuff on my plate that I either need or want to do, and I don’t have enough time to do it all. This caused me to really sit down and figure out what I needed to do to be most successful in the future, and what will make me happier over the duration of my life. With that came a lot of soul searching and thoughts about every aspect of what makes me who I am, what I should do in the future to make me happier, and how my recent revelations can help you in your future as well.

You know, for a marketing professional, you’d think I’d pick a sexier name for my podcast episodes.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

Can You Work So Hard That You Forget About Your Depression?

Have you ever thought about diving into something and immersing yourself so completely so that you don’t have to worry about the thoughts going through your head? If so, I did it for you and learned that it’s not a great thing to do, so I don’t recommend it. I’ve been very busy with everything going on in my life that it’s hard for me to focus on the stuff that I know makes me feel happier, such as talking with my friends and family, writing, making content for Acceptable Madness, and more. This last week has amounted to me working almost exclusively on my masters classes and other daily responsibilities, and although I was able to get everything done in time, the act of putting my mental health on the backburner to focus on it was hard… and putting it frankly, it sucked. So, to answer the main question of this episode – no, you can’t work so hard that you forget about your depression. In this episode, I dive deeper into why I think that is.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

Acceptable Madness’ 100th Birthday!

It’s been a long road – after a little over 2 years, it’s time to celebrate Acceptable Madness’ 100th birthday. In that short amount of time, I’ve talked for hours and hours about different topics such as loss, friendship, sleep, rejection, and so much more. I’ve told you more about myself than most of my closest friends know about me, and I’ve uncovered more about how my mind works in that time than I ever could have imagined. In this episode, I’d like to talk about how much I’ve changed over that time, how I feel about it, and what I’d like to see moving forward. This episode is special for me, not just because of it being triple digits, but because it means I’ve been able to start something and follow through with it, no matter the challenges that life (and that pesky depression) throws at me. I hope that I’ve helped you through whatever struggles you’re having, and hope that the lessons I’ve shared with you will keep you moving forward through life with optimism and strength, because life is tough, but you’re tougher. Thanks for listening, and I can’t wait to talk to you in another 100 episodes!

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

How Does Depression Affect Love?

Love and depression are like potato chips and chocolate; they seem like they shouldn’t go together but they’re actually a magical combination. Huh? Only I like chocolate-covered potato chips and most people think it’s weird? Oh… the more you know I guess. What I mean is that love and depression, although many people would think they don’t mesh, they actually do and in a perfect, weird kind of way. Even though you might not feel love in the traditional sense – full of hearts and smiles fluttering across your face – I’m sure you feel it in different ways. No matter how you feel love and other strong emotions that are special to you, just know that they’re real, they matter, and even if you feel emotions differently than some others, it doesn’t mean you’re an unfeeling robot. I can say that with confidence because I am a recovering unfeeling robot. Listen to this episode of the podcast to learn more about my thoughts on how depression affects love in your everyday life.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

Falling Shorter Than You’d Like

There are so many things in the world that we are amazing at, average at, and terrible at. Now, I like to focus on the things that I’m amazing at, and I’m sure you do too (and I’m sure there are a lot of things that you’re amazing at,) but no matter if you’re great at something or awful at it, there is always the chance that you’ll fall short. Whether it’s a test that you thought you got a 100% on but you actually got a B, or you were working on a project at work that didn’t go as planned, we’ll occasionally fall short. For the longest time, I couldn’t get passed that and would hold myself to the unrealistic task of being perfect all the time, but I’ve recently had a change of mind. In this episode, I talk about how it’s okay to fall short on things, and it can actually be something that really helps you figure out what you are good at, and how to prioritize your time.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

Mentally Preparing for the Future

Hi! I hope you’re ready to sit back and relax while we talk about the future. A friend of mine recently told me that to feel better about the world and their current situation, they just stopped thinking about the future, and instead focused entirely on the present. That inspired me to make this episode, where I really dive into how I look at the future, how it’s probably not the most productive way to do it, but how I’m hoping to change my mindset to be a more happy individual. The future can always look scary, especially when you have so many things that you hope to accomplish in life, but taking it one step at a time, knowing that what you’re doing is the best thing for you in the moment, is probably the best way to fend off those fears. Thanks for listening.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

The Importance of Education

Past Scott would beat me up for this episode, but I have to admit that education is awesome. No matter why you learn, whether it’s to become better in your field of expertise, beat someone in trivia, or develop a higher sense of understanding in the world, learning is great. It’s an amazing way to show and feel personal growth, while also seeing the world in a way that you may not have considered before. I used to hate school and dreaded going to class every day to see people there that were smarter than me, but now, I crave learning and think that furthering your education, no matter the medium, is a valuable, life-changing experience.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

Setting Deadlines for Yourself

Okay, hear me out with this one. No one likes deadlines, I know. At work or school, they stress you out. If you miss one, it can feel very defeating. But dang, when you accomplish whatever deadline you have, it feels pretty good. That’s what this episode is all about! Setting realistic deadlines for yourself is a great way to give yourself a reason to get out of bed and do something. In the past, I’ve talked about setting the goal of simply getting out of bed and showering, and although that is a worthwhile and very difficult goal on some days, it’s important to have other things that keep kicking you in the butt to keep moving forward, too. If you don’t you might not be able to find a way to move beyond simply getting up and showering.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1

Looking Forward to the Next…

The next what, you may ask? Well, the next… anything! It’s not always easy to keep pushing forward through whatever you’re dealing with. Life can be a bit bipolar, so sometimes it’ll treat you like royalty, and other times it’ll do it’s best to keep you down. When it’s trying to keep you down, I think it’s best to find something in the world that makes you excited, whether it’s a TV show, new video game release, or the fact that you’re having chicken salad for dinner (which I’m having on Wednesday, so I’m pretty stoked.) There are so many things in the world and your future that you can look forward to, so let’s take a dive into what they are, and how you can use them to push through the dark times.

I am not a doctor, so do not treat this as therapy or medical advice. I just do this podcast with the hopes that it can help some people.

If you’re interested in other content by me, follow me on:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AcceptableMadness

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/acceptablemadness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCpiT4JjAzziR-EODaBDPaJg

Also, I wrote a book! https://www.amazon.com/Trying-Myself-Scott-Christopher-McKinney/dp/1735125105/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1HJRD1Q2OGBG6&dchild=1&keywords=trying+not+to+kill+myself&qid=1595216485&sprefix=trying+not+to+kill+m%2Caps%2C170&sr=8-1