Nothing that I write it supposed to inflict depressed thoughts on anyone. These are just some struggles that I have shoot through my head from time to time.
Does it ever feel like you’re just wasting your life? You haven’t done anything impressive and everyone around you has. Some people have kids and dedicate their lives to that and others spend all of their time doing meaningless activities, but they both find fun and satisfaction in it. But what are you doing? Nothing.
When you play a game, it’s a waste of time because you’re not accomplishing anything. You’re just using your time and speeding like a bullet towards death, where every wasted minute is another that you’re feeling like there’s no point in having another minute of existence at all. You can’t have kids. They’d grow up to be the shitty ones at school that either bully the good kids or are too dumb to get anywhere in life. No matter the thing that you dedicate your life to, whether it’s friends, family, career or some other thing, you’ll fuck it up and be left as miserable as you are now.
That’s when the suicidal thoughts really hit. They hit when you feel like you can’t do anything right and that no matter what decision you make or what you spend your life on, it’ll still be a waste of time. You’ll still be nothing more than an object flying through space until the universe ends. If you can’t find purpose in something that’s directly within your power, then why push forward?
Everything feels so hopeless sometimes. Nothing you’re doing matters. Nothing that you’ve done has been good. Nothing that you will do will make you feel better. Maybe it’s best if we just lay in bed and wait until it’s over.