I don’t even know how to use an atlas.

Scott McCartographer

I struggle every day to be happy. It’s not easy for me. Some days it gets really hard; hard to the point where suicide fills every second of thought. On other days it’s not so bad. I only think about suicide maybe… maybe a dozen times. Twelve isn’t so bad when it’s compared to the worst days, but it’s still not fun.

I’d give anything in the world to be happy. I envy people with blissful ignorance or a happy-go-lucky personality. I see it and I want it. If I could be happy without any effort, then I would but that’s not an option. It hasn’t been an option since the eighth grade and it won’t be an option for the rest of my life. This is just something I deal with now. I am perpetually struggling with depression and it sucks.

But if I could take an ounce of suffering from someone else and stack it on the struggles that I already have, I would do it without a second thought. I don’t like the fact that I can’t easily be happy. I don’t like how much effort I have to put in, but if I could take some of that struggle from you then I would. I’ve made it pretty far in my life so far. Every day is a struggle, but I’ll keep struggling until natural causes finish me off because if I take my own life, I’m putting my burden on my loved ones and I couldn’t do that to them.