I am depressed. It’s as simply un-simple as that. I have depression. I frequent thoughts of suicide, and for some of you, they are more frightening than your biggest fears. I have no intention of killing myself, yet nobody really intends to kill themselves until they’re stricken with the sudden feeling of hopelessness that nobody can understand unless they’ve felt it. It’s a terrible feeling and one that I wouldn’t wish on anybody. That’s why I really hope that my writing can help even one person find a way to cope with their unpleasant, but not unusual thoughts.
I stood near the edge of a bridge; looking down. The breeze caressed my face while the river’s waves crashed below me. The sun was high. The world felt quiet.
I couldn’t do it. I was terrified. I was acting crazy. What if it all goes wrong? What if it doesn’t work?
I took another step. Surrounded by trees and wildlife – nothing that would hear my scream. My vision started to blur, tunnel-vision overwhelming. Trying to clear my thoughts, I shook my head.
I took another step. There wasn’t any more bridge before me. Just a drop. Then god-knows-what will happen.
I took a deep breath and held it in. I let it out slowly until my lungs were empty. Breathing deeply, I closed my eyes.
I couldn’t do it. I was terrified. But I wanted to do it.
I could do it. I took one more step and fell forward. I had done it.
The wind blew past my face. The waves approached quickly. The tunnel-vision disappeared.
Relaxed. That’s how I felt. It was like a state of euphoria. Each passing second went slower than the last. Each one filled me with more happiness.
I was 20…
5 feet from the water.
I closed my eyes again as I feared for the impact. I took one last breath.